Thinking.....

Recently I have thinking a lot about China, it's children and the welfare of the children left behind waiting for forever families. My heart was shattered they day I walked through Miss Diva's orphanage and saw the need. We walked into a room where there were babies on the floor, I walked over to one and  just looked down at him. I saw the hunger for touch and attention and the desparate look in his eye. I will never forget that child as long as I live.

I went to the back of the room and looked out the window and saw  new shiny red, blue and yellow play equipment and thought to myself, "it looks brand new." I wonder if my little girl ever played on that. There was no smudge marks or dirt,  the swings looked like the wind was the only thing that has ever made them move. I wonder....

Just today we were playing outside and Miss Diva never likes to come inside..I wonder if she ever got to play outside in China? I wonder if she ever got to sit on a bike? I wonder if she ever had the wind blow in her face? I wonder if she ever had sand run through her fingers....I wonder alot....does she have siblings, what was her favorite thing to do there? I can't stop wondering...I wonder about her foster parents.... I need to find them...and I will..if it takes me years I will find them.

she is doing so wonderful....she loves to play dress-up. she gets to  play outside and ride bike and slide down slides. Here is evidences

Show boat!!!

Her new thing is Hello Kitty. She loves Hello Kitty. I think I just found the theme for her birthday party. I am excited to do this birthday party with family and friends this year.

What a show boat eh? like the pose....

warm weather + sand, water and riding bike =

dirty yan yan...she had so much fun. I literally had to scrub to get the dirt of her.

Miss diva's new outside toy

we decided that since Zellers was going out of business that we should use our points we have collected. We decided that we would get miss diva something new for outside. We went looking and saw this. It was easy to put together and her daycare friends and play with her. She loves this toy.

golfer

I think someone is going to be a golfer.. She loves to swing those clubs and already has the standz in tack. she hit the ball across the street the other day and hit the truck parked on the street, OOOOps sorry!

A Rough Day!

 On tuesday morning Miss Diva woke in a not so happy mood. I am not sure why she was so unhappy but it for sure had been the worse since we came home from China. Jason and I count our blessing everyday on how well she settled in. I know things could have been a lot harder then what they were. I am following a blog where the child is heading banging everything as a coping measure and grieving hard. Which, in the long run is a good thing. At least there was a strong attachment.

I am not sure what trigger Miss diva's mood but everything from a motorcycle going down the street, to the mattress delivery guys taking away the old mattress to momma having a shower without her in the bathroom. The mattress guys came with the new mattress and took the old. She followed them to the end of the driveway crying"no, momma's bed". This broke my heart, she is not going to do well with change and I am so not looking forward to having to leave her with someone. I know we need to do it but I am scared for her and for us and for YeYe and Grammie because they are the first ones to get this pleasure.

Anyway, wednesday rolled around and she was her normal self. She had an"emotional" day I guess. I love her so much and it's hard to see her go thorough this and there is nothing we can do.

Love you Yan Yan.

10 months home

Today I think constantly of one thing....how blessed I am to have such a beautiful baby girl. She makes my heart happy and beaming with pride.

On the other side of this world, I think about a mom whose heart could be broken with the decision she made that was in the best interest of her little girl. For whatever those reasons maybe, she is apart of our life, family and world. There is not a day that goes by that I don't pray for this lady, for peace, comfort and love.

Miss Diva must of had beautiful parents! She is beautiful, funny, calm, and most of all loving. My dream is to someday take her back to her homeland and see where she came from. I miss Hohhot, the crazy driving, the view from the hotel window, the rickashaws going down the street with so much cardboard piled on it , it was unbelievable, the peace that covered my body when I held Wang Feng Yan for the first time. I will never forget China!!! I fell in love with this place!

My heart breaks knowing the welfare institutions are full of children, children who have lost their families. Children who just want to have a family of their own, a momma, baba and a hug when they fall, a kiss goodnight and family that cares about them. God knows the desire of my heart and I want another child from China.

To my daughter's china mommy, we think about you!