Doing Better

  This past weeks have been challenging for me as a mom. Questioning my parenting and why things have to be a certain way. I love my kids dearly, I feel complete but there are days that I feel like a awful person. There are people in this world that just likes to stir the pot and make accusations that are false. This has been hurting me, making me depressed and feeling sad. I have promised to myself, to stop this. I know the truth, I know I am a person with a good heart, I would never intentionally hurt people. I love my life and my family and if people have a problem with our family, then stay away! I am done with this nonsense and I am moving forward.

I miss my mom! I wish many times she was here to just sit with weeman when having to take miss diva to the hospital @ 9:30 at night or just be a grandma and take her for a walk, or read stories! I miss this for my kids. They are growing up not knowing what having grandparents is all about. I love my grandparents so much...I miss them more then I ever thought was humanly possible. They were wonderful...

Jason and I have been spending lots of time with the kids doing fun things. Life home with my kids is amazing and I am glad I get to spend the entire day with weeman. He is getting more words, being silly with his little friend and overall, settling into our family.

Miss Diva is my princess...she makes my heart skip a beat every time I see her run through the school doors , towards me.....her mom.. I am blessed. She is so beautiful and someday she will be a beautiful woman. I love these kids so much...they are my world....thank you Canadian government and China government for working together to make international adoptions happen.

Thank you  Jason, Madisyn and Dru for loving mama!

3 months ago

3 months ago we walked of a plane , very tired and excited! Tired from the 13 hour plane ride and excited to be on Canadian soil. I missed home! This trip seemed to be harder for us. I am not sure why but emotionally, physically and mentally , Jason and I were drained. We prayed that no one would be at the airport to meet us. We just want to get in that Limo and be escorted home.

We love having our son home. He is a funny little guy. We are seeing more and more of his silly side everyday. He loves to walk around with his hands behind his back. Little old man..lol. He loves to play with trains, planes and automobiles. He loves his mei mei and his baba. He is starting to come to me more and more. Especially if I have

left the house and returns, he will meet me @ the gate, wanting hugs. I am falling in love!

I cannot wait to see how he grows. He is smart and quick!

I am one blessed mama!

Mixed Emotions

So we've been home almost three months....it seems like a life time ago. I miss China. Miss Diva comments daily about how she is missing China and wants to go back. How is it so easy to love a country so much? Is it because we love different cultures and people, it could be the food and we have met some wonderful people over there. I also know it is special because our kids have family there. It's their homeland. We all miss China so much! I wish money wasn't a issue...I would go back more often.

I am super excited that Miss Diva's surgery was a success. Her speech pathologist comments on how well she is doing! No thanks to the CCAC. They sent home paperwork June last year, to have this in place for September. Well she still hasn't gotten any speech therapy from them....waste of time in my opinion. She is a wonderful little girl and I am so glad to parent her. I get to be her mama, what a privilege!

Disappointed with the results of Dru's surgery is an understatement. I worry about feeding this kid anything. They cannot do anything to repair his palate until June. I am patiently waiting for the phone to ring with that surgery date.

Jason is home right now, on parental leave. We are so fortunate with all the doctor, dentist and medical appointments he would be fired! lol, I feel "spread thin". Sometimes depression is a thought but then I realize I am strong and just keep pushing on. We will make it. I have support from my mom, Jason and Aunt Evelyn and Uncle Peter and that's all I need. Friends that have been there and done that are wonderful too.

Soon it will be summer, looking forward to seeing my mom, spending time at the beach and having fun.

Friday Appointment with Mac

We met with the surgeon on Friday afternoon to discuss what will happen from here. Dr Strumas examined Dru and was shocked by how strong this little boy was. He has to get a tongue depressor and use 2 hands and a lot of force to get his mouth open. He then cried really hard...poor boy has had some many people in his little mouth lately.

They are disappointed that this has happened but it happens! The thought is that the stitches attached itself to a blood cloth, so when it disappeared, the stitches had nothing to hold on too. They cannot do anything right now. Dr. Strumas said it would be like putting a hot knife in butter. So, we need to wait for this to heal and then try again. The earliest it will be is in June.  We are permitted to get him on a regular diet but trying to avoid hard things.

I am so worried. What if it continues to separate? I am so sad that he will need another surgery soon. Wow! I thought this was going to be a breeze because we have been down this road before and, his cleft palate seemed not as wide as Miss Diva's.

Oh well, I am going to try and enjoy March Break with my princess at home.

just hanging out in the laundry basket

 mama giving him his first tattoo, he thought it was great! He was getting a sticker on his arm like mei mei.

                                                                 playing together!

Back To Mac

Saturday evening I knew something wasn't right with weeman. He wasn't able to go longer then 3 hours without pain meds and he was doing 4-6 while still in the hospital. During dinner that night, I noticed there was little blood coming out his nose. Jason had said it was doing that at the hospital and not to worry. I worry about my kids! All day sunday, we saw no blood, he was still needing the pain meds but playing, eating, drinking and being a happy boy. Sunday had gotten a lot worse. We couldn't get him to drink or eat anything. Finally I pureed watermelon and got some liquids into him, so I thought. He spit it out and there was a lot of blood. I quickly got him out of the chair and tilted his head back, and sure enough, there is a huge hole in his palate!

I didn't know what to do! I picked up the phone and called McMaster and got to chat with the surgeon on call. She asked us to try and keep him comfortable at home with pain meds until Monday, we chat with the plastic surgeon,

but if not bring him back and we will get him on pain meds there. I have been able to keep him pain free for right now.

Dr Strumas called Monday early afternoon and we chatted. He is a little concerned but not worried because it's weeman's soft palate and not the hard palate. He is going to see him tomorrow at 1:30 and we will decide what happens from here. I am hoping it's next week that this gets repaired. My nerves are just about to be frazzled more than I can handle.

I hope this works and he doesn't need more surgery for a few years.

I will post when I know more.

Dru's palate repair

Wednesday, March 4th , Weeman had his palate repaired. I was so nervous because he would start screaming everytime he saw someone come near him in scrubs. I walked him into the OR, cried until they told me he was out and they walked out. My heart shattered! This was not going to help with our attachment!

The surgery was 2.5 hours long and I was driving myself crazy staring at the clock in the family waiting home. Finally, I asked Jason to go with me to the gift shop to buy Weeman a stuffy. I had to get out of that room.

Finally Dr, Stramus came to chat with. Miss Diva was so funny! She walked right up to him and said "give me back my brother." Everything went well. I was going to be permitted to go in recovery within the next 10 mins. I couldn't wait to hold him in my arms. I walked through the recovery room doors and there he was, all cuddled in the corner of this very long bed. I crawled into bed with him and held him until it hurt. My heart was so hurting and kind of felt guilty for "hurting" my son. The nurse caring for him told me his oxygen was low so they were going to put him on oxygen and his rate was really high. I was so worried about him. The nurse increased his fluids and his heart started to come down. He continued to have oxygen for the next 24 hours.

Once we got upstairs, he started to wake more and wanted snuggles, food and things to drink. He was eating ice cream, apple sauce, pudding and lots of water. I was so happy because miss diva was 2 days before she would let us anywhere near her mouth.This was awesome!

Weeman came home on Friday morning with ear drops and pain meds and doing well.  He is eating okay but could be a little better. He is starting to act like his old self and I worrying less. Glad to have my little man home.

Thank you Cleft Team @ McMaster hospital you are amazing!

              Weeman is home with his no- no's and he actually doesn't mind them to much