Being a mother has made me feel wonderful. She puts a smile on my face daily! I love the little things she is saying these days. Like "momma, I like ice cream." She as made me happy! I truly love being a momma.
Next month will be our one year forever family day anniversary. Yes! 1 year already! The day I peeled her of her nanny will be forever etched in my brain. The cries and the cletching of the lollipop they gave her, still brings tears to my eyes. I held close and whispered in her ear "I'm momma and I love you." Shortly after, the ophanage staff left and she fell asleep. I was given the best mother's day present ever! I was a happy momma.
A year later, I think about our journey to Wang Feng Yan and how I fell in love with a little girl and a huge country. I don't regret one step of the process, one cent spent or one year we waited. It was God's plan...It was to happen in his time.
Today...I struggle...with feelings of lost. Sadness...with so many children left behind and most of all feelings of urgency. I feel like I have left something or someone behind. It's hard to explain!I feel like China is my home and I will feel relief once my feet are planted firmly on Asian soil. I struggle daily with these feelings. I thought after we came home, that would be the end of my desire for China. It's now stronger then ever! Are we meant to adopt again, is this adoption just such a great experince, that I don't want to forget or am I over judging these feelings? I am so toren,so in love and so at peace.
The thought of having 2 children makes me feel a lot things. Excited, happy, scared, nervous and worried. Excited to have 2 children, happy because we'll go to China again, scared about the unknowns and nervous about the child and their past! I guess time will tell, please pray for guidance and clearity with this situation. God knows best about every child, the timing and circumstances surrounding ever aspect of another international adoption.
All I ask for you as a reader of this blog is to pray and please don't judge!
1 comment:
As you know, I completely and totally understand how you feel!!!
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